deep waters

Tuesday, July 25, 2017





Gasping, wheezing

Head breaks through the surface

Suck in air with aching lungs

Pulled back under the next break of waves

Of water so deep you find it hard to exist

When it feels like your only options are

Get out or drown

Because you've fought so hard

Battled so long

And you can't do this anymore

You just can't

Whispered accusations cast at yourself, cast at God

If I could just get it together, then everything would be okay,”

How, how, how, can God be good when it hurts so bad?”

Try harder, do better, you can pull yourself out,”

Why, why, why,”

But when we come to the end of ourselves

And there are so many questions that don't have answers

Maybe our greatest shortcoming is looking for solutions

Instead of looking to the solution

Maybe instead of finding a way out of deep waters

We should trust in He who goes through them with us

The deepest hope comes from the hardest places

The darkest pit of hell only magnifies His light

And it's when we reach the end of what we can do

Choose instead to cling to what He's already done

When we know it isn't just about coming through

But about coming through changed

Closer to the image of Christ

Closer to who we were made to be

That we begin to walk in the freedom of knowing

It isn't about escaping or drowning

It's about learning how to swim 

He remains

Wednesday, July 19, 2017





It's an all too familiar feeling

That soul-sucking, draining, never ebbing hole that rests between who you are and what you strive to be

Who you know you should be, but just..aren't
Your feet are close to the edge, it crumbles, you might fall, and it's too much, too much, too much.

Because you try, try, try

But you're never quite enough, enough, enough

And there's nothing you ever been so aware of as you are your own inadequacy

The war you're waging has you losing more ground than you're gaining

Your own brokenness is staring you in the face, commanding all of your attention

When you fall into the same temptation again and again and start to wonder how there could ever be enough grace in the world to redeem you

When the rug is pulled out from beneath your feet, suddenly you find yourself not being able to hide anymore

Dirty hands, downcast eyes, the overwhelming knowledge that you've got nothing much to offer

Except for a broken heart and wounds so deep they threaten to swallow you alive

But, friend, what is your patch of darkness when it's held up against an infinite source of light?

Because the truth is, there isn't anything so broken or messed up that grace can't step in to make whole

Lay down your arms, it's safe to trust, He's safe to trust

You don't have to be in the trenches alone

There is One who sits with you

Holding your hand, cradling your heart, and whispering

That He knows exactly what you're going through because He's been in the trenches, too

When it's all said and done, maybe it isn't your job to be enough

Maybe fighting against inadequacy is a false choice

Maybe perfection is a less worthy pursuit than progress

Maybe the mess isn't meant to be fixed, but shaped into a message about grace and hope and light

That is less about who you are or who you are not

And more about who He is in you, through you, and around you

About how when you are faithless

He is forever faithful

When you are weak

He is strong

When all other things fade away

He remains

-ashlyn 


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